Abed: We’re like The Goonies, except our story tracks logically and has a chance of holding to objective critical scrutiny.
Duncan: It’s so clear now, the entire school is shaped like penis.
Buzz: What the hell does your penis look like?
Duncan: Obviously a cluster of buildings so let’s all have a big laugh at the freak.
Jeff: Is Duncan okay?
Buzz: He’ll live, but his food’s gonna taste like burnt aluminum for a while.
Duncan: It’s pronounced al-u-minium.
Buzz: See, he’s fine.
Jeff: Britta and I are getting married.
Duncan: Married. Well, you’re gonna need way more doves than this.
Dean Pelton: What does this look like, an hour long episode of The Office?
Abed: Who’s got rope?
Buzz: I’m offended by that question.
Carl: Richie, be careful.
Richie: Don’t worry, I’ve been drinking.
Abed: You guys. I think this is the lost section of Greendale, nobody’s been in here since the 70s.
Dean Pelton: How do you know?
Abed: Because the debate team topic is “Who’s hotter, Elliot Gould or Donald Sutherland?”
Jeff and Dean: Donald Sutherland.
Abed: Annie, look. I don’t know people, but I know TV. When characters feel like the show they’re on is ending, their instinct is to spin off into something safer. In Jeff and Britta’s case, something that would last six episodes. And have a lot of bickering about tweezer and gluten, starring them and an equally waspy brunette couple. With a title like “Better With My Worse Half”, or “Awefully Wedded”, or “Tying the Not.” But knot is spelt without a k. Or #Couple People Problems-
Abed: And every episode you get to decide-
Annie: Abed. Abed stop developing!
Abed: Sorry. The point is, this show, Annie. It isn’t just their show. This is our show, and it’s not over. And the sooner we find that treasure, the faster the Jeff-Britta pilot falls apart.
Annie: Got it. Thank you Abed.
Abed: You’re welcome…I have a girlfriend.
Abed: You were about to start a kiss lean.
Annie: I was not.
Abed: Fine. Let’s go find treasure.
Jeff: Sorry, I lose track of how big I’m getting.
Dean Pelton: I don’t.
Richie: I robbed your brain, I robbed it.
Russell: So, anyway, I sealed myself up down here with 50 years of food, 50 years of toilet paper, and 50 years of cocaine. Which I somehow ran out of after about 10 years.
Jeff: Wow, the 80s happened down here too.
Britta: hey, Chang, you’ve beecome a bad guy again?
Chang: There’s a lot more to it than that, Britta. Hahaha *tries to take a “mask” off* Wait, I’m not wearing a mask? Okay, there’s no more to it. I think I’m just mentally ill.
Abed: So we’re trapped in here forever.
Annie: Or just until we run out of food and water.
Jeff: At least we’ll have each other.
Britta: Till death do us part.
Annie: You know what? You guys can have my food and water.
Russell: Idiots won.
Abed: You said her emotional components work.
Russell: Well, in theory, a blast of human passion could shock the mainframe into a cold start. But that’s only if somebody in this room has feelings stronger than I get when I rub my nipples. So, good luck with that, folks.
Jeff: Objection! I teach law at Greendale, so believe me I don’t know much about law. But I do know a contract violation when I see one.
Carl: This is a legitimate transaction, where a city is selling a school to a restaurant. It happens somewhere everyday.
Subway Rep: Uh, it seems like Greendale the city and Greendale the school have some stuff to sort out. And Subway doesn’t, doesn’t do conflict. We do good food at good prices, we are but simple sandwich artists who want the world to eat fresh.
All: Eat fresh!
Subway Rep: Subway, ho!
Annie: Did we just save Greendale? Did we just save Greendale!?
Carl: No! No, you did not! You moved dirt around Greendale’s grave. Your school is still bankrupt, it is still unmarketable, and it is still on the permanent chopping block of anyone who has any say in its future.
Dean Pelton: Yeah? Well, around here we call that Wednesday.
Abed: Definitely. We’ll definitely be back next year. If not, it’ll be because an asteroid has destroyed all human civilization and that’s canon. *looks at camera*
Annie: What? What are you?
Abed: Hmm? Nothing.
This summer, or fall, or, possibly next winter.
Depends on what fails.