Annie: So, according to the demonologist, the gymnasium is clean.
Shirley: I’ve got a problem. I don’t like Abed’s problem with our like of problems.
Shirley: Oh. Ah, okay! I commented on his commentary. I just drew a circle around Abed, baby.
Abed *mocking Shirley*: I don’t think it’s nice to pigeonhole people’s gimmicks. *deep voice* You hear me, two voice?
Dean Pelton: I would appreciate some knocking, do you know what goes on in here?
Dean Pelton: Are you guys drunk?
Richie: Good luck proving before we’re not.
Jeff: This inspection is going to be the most boring thing to happen here since Britta dated Troy.
Ronald: Hi there. My name is Ronald Mohammed, go ahead I’ve heard them all.
Ronald: But the city defines a dog as any living entity with four legs and a tail. So raccoons, bears, mountain lions, mice, there are all just different sizes of dog.
Ronald: 400,000 gallons of liquefied horse meat.
Ronald: “And you shall find that salt is the taste of another man’s breath, and hard is the way up-and-down another man’s stairs”… Dante, let’s proceed.
Abed: I’m right. I mean I’m wrong. I mean I’m right. I mean I’m wrong. I mean I’m right. I mean I’m wrong. I mean I’m right. I mean I’m wrong.
Ronald: For the final stage of my appraisal, I am going to randomly select one of your vending machines to see if it can be rocked using human strength enough to tip and crush me. Now, in the U.S. each yeah, six people die this way. And five of them are insurance appraisers, so I take this very seriously.
Richie: What about Ben & Jerry’s?
Carl: Oh, Richie, you’re my friend. But that is the last thing you need.
Richie: Tough love recieved, bro.
Dean Pelton *trying to tip over a vending machine*: Let me be one of the six this year!
Jeff: We saved Greendale…and now they’re gonna sell it.
Buzz: If I come over there, there are gonna be two sounds. Me hitting you, twice.
Duncan: You want us to tweet “Save Greendale”? I’m sorry Annie, the reason I have 48 followers is that I don’t exploit them. They come to me for atheistic rants and photos of my meals, not this obnoxiousness.
Chang: Five dollar, five dollar foot-long! Any any any five, five dollar foot-long.
Richie: This will be your office. *opens door*
Dean Pelton *sitting on floor in underwear, sobbing*: WHY?
Richie *closes door*: Okay, we’ll check in on that later.
Annie: Great, thanks my making my joke accurate. Now it’s hilarious.
Dean Pelton: And that’s Russel Borchert.
Annie and Abed: “Borchert, Borchert, loved computers”
Dean Pelton: Yes, yes, “more than women’s butts or hooters.”