Britta: Let me guess. You’re a flimsy excuse to be shirtless, wearing silk underwear.
Jeff: And you’re, as wrong as you are welcome.
Britta: Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean that we have to do everything together.
Jeff: Well, you need to do some things together.
Troy: We do some things. We do a lot of things. Not all the things. Things.
Jeff: The only thing spooky about this place is the tacky decor, it’s like David Lee Roth threw up Miami Vice.
Annie: I don’t know. Maybe Pierce isn’t doing so well since he lost his father and then his inheritance in a video game battle with Gilbert, an illegitimate half-Brother he never knew he had. I guess I’ve never said it out loud.
Pierce: I had to come up with that awesome dusting story because if you knew what spooked me, you’d probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one’s gonna call you, Pierce.
Annie: Am I naive? I’m sure as stuff not your sexy little ring girl.
Jeff: Can it, ham!
Jeff: Cornelius was barely a dad. Now, he’s nothing. And Pierce can keep staring into that void or he can turn around, face his future like I did, and say, “who gives a crap who my dad was? I’m my own man now. I-” Wow. Pretty slick, Britta, using ghosts to trick me into opening up. Too bad it didn’t work.
Britta: Aw, man, so this is what the zone feels like. Oh! Analyze this!
Annie: “Pierce Hawthorne’s ideas for ladies”? Oh, please. “Blonde, long legs, with tennis racquet.” “Asian rockette.
Big boobs, redhead, but doctor,” question mark. Oh, he’s not 100% on that one?
Annie: I hate reference humor.
Troy: Why does he have so many collars? Secret dogs!
Britta: Denial is the first step to acceptance.
Jeff: That can’t be right.
Britta: Says the deny-ist.
Jeff: Not a word.
Britta: You want to keep digging this hole? Confronting your daddy issues now could prevent you from ending up haunted, like Pierce.
Jeff: I’ll never end up like Pierce.
Britta: Won’t you?
Jeff: No, because I’m nothing like him.
Britta: Aren’t you?
Jeff: Are you gonna keep doing that?
Britta: Am I?
Jeff: The worst therapist? No, because you’re not a therapist.
Troy *crying*: I broke the remote! Do you think it’s expensive?
Troy *crying*: Please, Pierce. Please don’t die slightly before your time.
Pierce: Ghosts can’t go through doors, stupid. They’re not fire.
Abed: Someone’s punching in the code from the outside.
Troy: Please tell me one of us is outside.