Jeff: We’re gonna fly to school each morning We’re gonna smile the entire time
Britta: We’re gonna be more happy, we’re gonna finally be fine
Abed: We’re gonna get more calm and normal
Troy: We’re gonna fix our state of mind
Annie: We’re gonna be less crazy
Everyone: We’re gonna finally be fine
Shirley: We’re gonna stand holding hands in a brand-new land far away from the borderline
Dean Pelton: We’re gonna seem like a mainstream dream
Chang: And be appealing to all mankind
Everyone: We’re gonna have more fun and be less weird than the first two years combined
Everyone: And we’re gonna live forever
Jeff and Annie: And we’re gonna sleep together
Everyone: And we’re gonna finally be sunny and shinily We’re gonna finally be fine
Troy: Speaking of figuring things out, me and Abed have an announcement.
*everyone gives them weird looks*
Abed: Troy and I are living together.
Annie: Oh that’s-
Shirley: Oh, that’s nice.
Troy: If you want to get us a gift, we’re registered at Linens-N-Things.
Abed: We have plenty of linens, we mainly want the things.
Dean Pelton: How you like me now, bitches?
Troy: Dean, you seem different. Are you in a play right now?
Dean Pelton: Over the summer I decided it’s time to whip this place into shape. I’m gonna be a lean, mean, deaning machine.
Dean Pelton: No more paintball, no more spaceships, no more trampolines, and no more–What is that?
Troy: It’s probably the monkey that lives in the vents. I named him “Annie’s Boobs,” after Annie’s boobs.
Dean Pelton: See, this is the kind of National Lampoonery that is coming to an end this year.
Dean Pelton: Homie don’t dean this. *touches Jeff’s arm”
Britta *holding a Chemistry book*: Okay guys, let’s get to biology on time. I don’t want to be a screwup this year.
Jeff *pointing to his Biology book*: Uh, Britta.
Britta: Damn it.
Jeff: Yeah, we have parted ways with our closest, oldest, craziest, most racist, oldest, elderly, crazy friend. And he’s not coming back.
Pierce: I’m back.
Jeff: I’ll do you one better. I think we’ve evolved beyond reliance on a group at all. Aren’t we all just actual friends now no matter where we are? You know what’s magic about this table? It magically keeps our books from falling on the floor. The tables for studying, but as friends we’ve evolved. And let’s use that first breath of crisp, new, super evolved air to declare proudly, and in one voice. Pierce, we’ll see you when we see you.
Chang: Don’t tell the monkey I’m living here.
Shirley: Oh, Star-Burns. I see you added a lizard to your special hat and sideburns, am I missing anything?
Star-Burns: Yeah! The human being underneath it all, but no one’s really interested in that, are they?
Annie: What’s wrong?
Abed: Cougar Town’s been moved to mid-season, that’s never a good sign. Not cool, not cool not cool not cool not cool.
Troy: Hey buddy, hey. It’s coming back in January. Six seasons and a movie.
Abed: Six season and a movie.
Prof. Kane: I know who Sean Penn is, I’ve seen Milk. Now get out!
Star-Burns: Dude, learn to blend.
Dean Pelton: If I wanted to run a monkey hotel, I’d install a banana buffet. I’d use vines as elevators, and I’d put tail holes in the bathrobes. And I’d lower all the show knobs.
Sgt. Nunez: Wow, you’ve really thought this through.
Dean Pelton: And now it’s your turn. Brainstorm, idea shower, spray your solutions all over me.
Dean Pelton: The air-conditioning repair school annex seems to think it’s separate from Greendale, but it’s an annex. An appendage on a body, with a head. And this head is saying to this appendage, “whazup?”
Vice Dean Laybourne: What you say makes sense, Dean. Tell you what, you bring your head down to my appendage and I’ll show you, “whazup.”
Dean Pelton: I’ll be there.
Leonard: All hail Sir Eats Alone.
Jeff: Shutup Leonard, I heard about your prescription socks.
Troy: Britta, why did everyone on Cougarton Abbey just die?
Britta: They only ran six episodes. That’s the great thing about British TV, they give you closure.
Troy: You are human tennis elbow, you are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth. You are the opposite of Batman.
Dean Pelton: Read Dean coming through-oh my goodness spacious. Vice Dean… Is this where Greendale’s money is going?
Vice Dean Laybourne: More accurately, Dean. It’s where Greendale’s money comes from. Our air-conditioning program has a job placement five times higher than the rest of your school combined. Our alumni donations comprise 80% of your entire school’s budget. And you want to know why we think we deserve an ESPRESSO MACHINE!?
Dean Pelton: Well, I guess. I didn’t know, I–
Vice Dean Laybourne: And you never had to Dean. You could lived the rest of your life in blissful ignorance and died a happy pansexual imp. But you wanted to feel power this year. Well, now you’re going to feel my power, as it surges downward from me, straight through you from nostril to rectum now until the end of time. And that’s…”whazup.”
Dean Pelton: I forgot everything you said before “rectum!”
Dean Pelton: He doesn’t look like a lawyer.
Vice Dean Laybourne: That’s a barber, because I’m also sick of that ridiculous goatee. You look like a white Lou Gossett, Jr.
Britta: Abed, maybe this can be your new favorite show. It’s a British sci-fi series that’s been on the air since 1962.
Troy: Britta, you’ve done enough. Why don’t you go start a ruiners club? Oh wait, you’d probably just ruin it.
Britta: Well then, I’d be doing a good job because it’s a ruiners’ club.
Troy: You ruined my analogy.
Constable: Blimey, inspector! Where have we wound up this time?
Inspector: The question isn’t where, constable, but when.
Constable: Inspector, look out! Blorgons!
Blorgon: Eradicate! Eradicate!
Abed: This is the best show I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
Jeff: Having fun without me again?
Troy: Jeff, what happened? You look 70.
Annie: Abed has a new favorite show, Jeff. It’s called Inspector Spacetime-
Jeff: Can it, boobs.
Jeff: I’m gonna kill the one thing you love! I’m gonna kill it! As long as it breathes it controls our lives!
Dean Pelton: I just came out to tell everyone this year isn’t gonna be that different. With the notable exception we really won’t have any money. Have a nice night.
Jeff: What is with that guy?
Sgt. Nunez: You’re lucky I need my scuba certification.
*Chang falls through the vent*
Chang: Okay okay, I’m the one living in your vents. I have no home and no job.
Dean Pelton: Does that mean you’ll work for room and board?
Jeff: Stop! Stop! Pierce isn’t crazy. The table…Is…Magic. As someone who’s been on the other side, I can tell you. It is a scary, lonely, Chang-filled world out there. And sure this group has sprouted some legs, but why are we in such a rush to leave the tide pool. When the only things waiting for us on shore are the sands of time, and the hungry seagulls of slowly growing apart.
Troy: Man, I really need this biology class.
Star-Burns: So uh here’s what I’m thinking. I’m a drug dealer, right? And you’re a scientist, so couldn’t we get like a Breaking Bad type of thing going?
Prof. Kane: Sorry, Star-Face. You just lost your seat in my class.
Security Guard Chang: Hey hey hey, keep it down. There’s a new sheriff in town.
Jeff: Oh, interesting. So this is the year we all die.