Star-Burns: My name is Alex Osbourne, and if you’re watching this, it means I’m dead. Or I’m just showing you, but I’m probably dead. To my ex-wife Magda, I leave herpes. But she knows that, it’s dealt with. As for my collection of Styx albums, I leave that to no one. Because that’s who appreciated Styx as much as me. Finally, there’s a kid named Abed, who makes movies at my community college. And to him I leave the task of creating a video tribute of my life.
Annie: You guys, how long are we going to avoid talking about this really serious thing that’s happened?
Pierce: Is it always about the Holocaust with you people?
Jeff: I know it’s sad, but death is a natural part of life, and by the time I finish this sentence 100 people will have died in China.
Troy *freaked out*: Why did you stop talking? I have to call my pen pal.
Britta: As a psychologist-
Britta: I hereby offer my licensed-
Britta: Services as a grief counselor-
Jeff: Grief causer.
Britta: If anyone needs to talk, the doctor-
Jeff: Not even close.
Britta: Is in.
Jeff: You seemed smarter than me when I met you.
Britta: Thank you.
Dean Pelton *singing*: Come on I’m dean, and my hands are so clean. At this moment, I am stapling.
Dean Pelton: Great. I have to give more bad news to Jeff and his study group. Hold my calls, I have to pick an outfit.
Britta: What Jeff’s doing right now is called denial, and it is the first of give stages of grief that ends with acceptance.
Jeff: Name any other stage.
Britta: What are you, my final?
Annie: Star-Burns, or Alex, as he liked to be called, was a human being. A Greendale human being, like me. I’ve given this place my childhood, my enthusiasm, and my loyalty. And in return, Greendale has warped me like a barbie in a microwave. Our school flag in an anus.
Dean Pelton: You were the guys who drew it.
Annie: We’re not even the best community college, in our community. Let that sink in. And the cherry on top of this total lack of sundae, I’m failing a remedial biology class on a technicality. All because you don’t know how to run a school.
Dean Pelton: Oh that’s-
Annie: Shame on you, dean. Shame. On. You. Edison out! *mic drop*
Pierce: Let’s burn this mother down!
Nurse: Strange, I’m not finding any pepper spray on you.
Troy *crying*: Well, check harder. It’s not like I’m crying because I was chased by a gang of scary 12-year-olds.
Pierce: How about Pierce Hawthorne and the Greendale Six?
Pierce: How about the Greendale Five?
Carl: Greendale Seven. Jeff Winger, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne, Britta Perry, Shirley Bennett, Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes. You are hereby expelled from Greendale Community College. May God have mercy on your souls. Rusty Bucket? Rusty Bucket? Rusty Bucket? Okay, transform and roll out.
Pierce: Thirteen years of college down the drain.
Troy: I was gonna be the first one in my family to graduate from community college, everyone else graduated from normal college. Now they’re really gonna give me a hard time.
Star-Burns Tribute Video
You never see the dawn
When you have blood in your eyes
The knight will fight with steel
Until he brings you down
Burn the night sky alive
Burn for his country and honor
He will never die