Dean Bigley*in old commercial*: Greendale has the most advanced typing class in the southwestern Greendale area. And now you register by fax.
Pierce: This is outrageous! I’m not leaving my trailer ’till there’s food.
Dean Pelton: You don’t have a trailer.
Pierce: Well then I’ll rent a trailer, and I won’t leave it ’till I have the one I don’t have! I’m an actor not a circus freak.
Jeff: I got stuck with the role of the dean, so I’m gonna show him how much a a dean I can be. And I’ve got a feeling I won’t make the cut.
Jeff *imitating Dean Pelton*: Welcome to Deandale Community Colledean. I’m a silly goose. Honk, honk. Deanily Doo. Look at me.
Dean Pelton: Stop.
Jeff: This is my sister’s outfit.
Dean Pelton: Jeffrey, stop. You’ve hit gold, save some for the screen.
Pierce: Pierce Hawthorne, screen of stage and star will not leave this trailer until he gets a trailer! *from inside the trailer* And then I’m not leaving that trailer until there’s catering!
Jeff: I’m always willing to go the extra mile to avoid doing something.
Leonard: Like sex with women.
Jeff: Shut up Leonard, you smell like mentholyptus.
Shirley: The word he’s looking for is “sassy,” he better pray he don’t find it.
Dean Pelton: Mr. Guzman, Luis, thank you. And can I just say, I loved you in…In…IMDb.
Britta: It’s great that he got a celebrity, but why reshoot everything?
Abed: Perfectionism. The dean’s first stop down a road that ends in self-destruction.
Britta: That sounds horrible.
Abed: Actually, I might end up taking this to some festivals.
Dean Pelton: I am trying to pull a 400 year old dagger out of this nation’s heart, and you are hugging.
Dean Pelton *to Troy*: Her I understand, but you?
Troy: What did I do?
Dean Pelton: You didn’t. Let’s take it again.
Dean Pelton: Okay, you get this wrong one more time, I’m segregating the school.
Troy: Stop saying I’m different!
Britta: I’m in Psych 101 and even I don’t know what’s happening.
Chang: Jeff thinks he has it bad? As Jeff’s understudy, I have to wear a Jeff wig on top of my Chang hair and then my bald cap on top of that! There’s no air getting through here. I’m literally dying.
Annie: The dean had his seventh epiphany today, which has given me an epiphany of my own. The dean is a genius! He has to be. If he isn’t, I’ve given almost two weeks of my life to an idiot. That is unacceptable. Therefore the dean IS a genius, and I will, protecting his vision.
Abed: Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm syndrome?
Annie: Is it something that the dean created? Because if not, I don’t care.
Jeff *imitating Dean Pelton*: Why go Greendale? Just because!
Jeff: I have worn this stupid thing for twelve days! I have made bald friends!
Luis Guzman: I loved my time here, I got laid like crazy. That’s way before Boogie Nights too!
Dean Pelton: I thought you were a fly on the wall.
Abed: Some flies are too awesome for the wall.