Narrator: A new day as dawned at Greendale Community College. Some said we’d never bounce back after the unfortunate events of the Star-Burns wake riot instigated by the Greendale Seven. But today, the guilty parties have been expelled, enrollment is up, tuition is more affordable than ever. And the architect of this modern-day miracle? Security Chief Benjamin Franklin Chang. A man who has brought security, harmony, and success to what is fast becoming the area’s premier community college.
Doppledeaner: Greendale’s never been better, thanks Chang.
Britta: Look, I hate cops.
Shirley: The real dean never would have expelled us, he loved us.
Officer Cackowski: Unfortunately, love is not admissible evidence. Ooh. *singing* Love is not admissible evidence. I’m working on a cop opera.
Everyone *but Pierce*: “Copera!”
Pierce: Wait. Copera!.
Troy: I love how binoculars make far away things seem like they’re close. They’re like-
Britta and Troy: Telephones for your eyes.
Britta: First Chang kidnaps the dean, and now he throws himself a birthday party? It’s just like Stalin back in Russia times.
Troy: Dance-off? Sundae bar? One of those Ed Hardy street magicians?
*Annie and Britta give him a dirty look*
Troy: What kind of monster would-*super excited*Photo booth with props!
Dean Pelton: Jeffrey!-Oh, hey Britta.
Chang: Fire can’t go through doors, stupid. It’s not a ghost.
Dean Pelton: You stole my life!
Doppledeaner: It is hard out there for a fake Moby.
Pierce: Never wear a rubber.
Jeff: Never listen to Pierce.
Britta: This is a lock of my hair.