|Meeseeks and Destroy – Episode 105|
|Synopsis||Rick provides the family with a solution to their problems, freeing him up to go on an adventure led by Morty. Sounds good, better record this one, broh!|
Post-Credit Scene: Two villagers discover King Jellybean’s (disturbing) secret photos found in his closet. While one suggests informing the village people about it, the other orders the pictures to be burned as he prefers that the “people will get more from the idea he represented than from the jellybean he actually was”.
Rick: *panting* run! *gasps* Morty, do it! Hit the button now!
Morty: I can’t do it, Rick! They’re my parents and sister!
Rick: Morty, I already told you it’s not your family! They’re clones from an alternate reality, possessed by demonic alien spirits from another dimension’s future! Do you need a mnemonic device or something? Just hit the button, already!
Morty: I just killed my family! I don’t care what they were.
Rick: I don’t know, Morty. Some people’d pay top dollar for that kind of breakthrough.
Rick: I-I-I-If your adventure sucks and we bail halfway through it, you lose the right to bitch about all future adventures. Plus, you have to do my laundry for a month.
Beth: Dad, the dishwasher’s doing that thing again.
Rick: Washing dishes?
Beth: No, the opposite. Can you fix it?
Summer: Grandpa Rick, can you help me with my science homework?
Rick: Yeah j-just don’ do it.
Jerry: Hey, Rick, you got some kind of hand-shaped device that can open this mayonnaise jar?
Rick: Wow. Hat trick. All right, Morty, let’s put a pin in this. I got to help your pathetic family.
Mr. Meeseeks: I’m Mr. Meeseeks, look at me!
Rick: God, Morty, what a boring start to an adventure. I don’t w-w-w-why didn’t we just go to Kentucky?
Mr. Meeseeks: In conclusion, a friendship with Summer Smith is the mos valuable and enriching experience of your young lives. I’m Mr. Meeseeks, look at me!
Mr. Meeseeks: Remember to square your shoulders, Jerry.
Jerry: You know what, Mr. Meeseeks? I don’t think this is working. I give up.
Mr. Meeseeks: I’m sorry, Jerry, but I doesn’t work like that.I’m Mr. Meeseeks. I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away. Look at me.
Jerry: Well, make yourself comfortable, because I suck.
Mr. Meeseeks: No, Jerry, I’m the one who sucks! Let me try something.
Mr. Meeseeks: I’m Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
Mr. Meeseeks: Hi, Mr. Meeseeks! I’m Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.
Mr. Meeseeks: Hi!
Mr. Meeseeks: Can you help me get two strokes off of Jerry’s golf swing?
Mr. Meeseeks: Can do! I’m Mr. Meeseeks! Is he keeping his shoulders squared?
Mr. Meeseeks: Ooh, he’s trying!
Dale (aka Giant Dan Harmon): I smell the blood of whoop! *crunch* *groaning*
Morty: Holy crap.
Rick: Oh, boy. He looks pretty bad down there, Morty. Looks like he’s bleeding out.
Dale’s Wife: Oh, Jesus! Dale! You sons of bitches!
Morty: Oh, man.
Dale’s Wife: *speed-dialing* Hello, 911? My husband has been attacked by tiny people! He’s dying!
Mr. Meeseeks: okay, jerry, you got to jus choke up on the club!
Jerry: well, which is it, choke up or follow-through?!
Mr. Meeseeks: aww, come on, jerry, we’ve been over this. you know you got to do both!
Mr. Meeseeks: this is as frustrating for us as it is for you.
Jerry: don’t tell me that! that just puts pressure on me!
Mr. Meeseeks:just try to relax.
Jerry: You try to relax! have you ever tried to relax?! It is a paradox!
Jerry: Ugh, these Meeseeks, huh? Kind of a handful. I can’t imagine what you two must be going through.
Beth: Our Meeseeks have been gone for hours, Jerry.
Jerry: You’re kidding me.
Beth: Notice anything different?
Jerry: I-I-I’m sorry, hours?
Summer: Dad, Mom is a beautiful woman! Look at her! You will lose her!
Mr. Meeseeks: Hey Jerry, you mind if we get back to the task at hand? Meeseeks don’t usually have to exist this long. It’s getting weird.
Rick: Oh, great adventure, buddy. Rick and Morty go to gian prison. You know, if somebody drops the soap, it’s gonna land on our heads and crush our spines, Morty. You know, I-I-I-It’ll be really easy to rape us after that.
Morty: We’re gonna be okay, Rick.
Rick: How? They took my portal gun. This is an open-and-shut case, Morty. You know, w-w-w-what do you think’s gonna happen, some magical angel’s gonna show up and then-
Lawyer: Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! I smell the violation of civil liberties! Your honor, I’m from a tiny-persons advocacy group and I have here in my hand a motion to dismiss. These little men were never read their giant rights and are therefore free-fi to fo-home.
Rick: W-What the hell is he talking about?
Lawyer: They’re free to go, is what i meant. I-I-I’m deconstructing our our our thing we say. For giants. Nobody got that? Whatever.
Mr. Meeseeks: I can’t take it anymore. I just want to die!
Mr. Meeseeks: We all want to die! we’re Meeseeks!
Mr. Meeseeks: Why did you even rope me into this?
Mr. Meeseeks: ‘Cause he roped me into this!
Mr. Meeseeks: Well, him over there, he roped me into this!
Mr. Meeseeks: Well, he roped me into this!
Mr. Meeseeks: Well, what about me? he he roped me into this.
Mr. Meeseeks: Well, that one over there roped me into this.
Mr. Meeseeks: Well, he roped me into this.
Slippely-Slippery Stair: Y’all need to ride down the stairs? My name is Slippely-Slippery Stair. I’ll take you down there for 25 shmeckels.
Rick: 25 shmeckels? I-I-I don’t know how much I don’t know what that is. Is that a lot? Is it a little?
Waitress: That’s exactly how much i spent on my big fake boobies.
Mr. Booby Buyer: Hi, I’m Mr. Booby Buyer. I’ll buy those boobies for 25 shmeckels.
Waitress: It’s a tempting offer, but I’m gonna have to decline.
Mr. Booby Buyer: Rats! What a shame.
Mr. Meeseeks: it’s become clear look a me that if we concentrate all our efforts on jerry’s follow-through, we will solve this problem. I’m Mr. Meeseeks.
Mr. Meeseeks: I’m Mr. Meeseeks. Look at me. The only thing that’s clear is that choking up is the one true solution.
Mr. Meeseeks: Look at me. I’m Mr. Meeseeks. I’ve been trying to help Jerry for two days, an eternity in Meeseeks time, and nothing’s worked. I fear the worst.
Mr. Meeseeks: Your failures are your own, old man. I’m Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me. I say follow-through! Who’s with me?!
Mr. Meeseeks: I’m Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
Mr. Meeseeks: Kill him!
Mr. Meeseeks: Everybody sto-o-o-p! Look at me! My brothers, nothing will be accomplished by shedding meeseeks blood. None of us can die until our job is done.
Mr. Meeseeks: The job can’t be done! We’ll never get two strokes off his game!
Mr. Meeseeks: No, we won’t. But we will get all strokes off his game.
Mr. Meeseeks: Where’s he going with this? What’s he mean?
Mr. Meeseeks: When we kill him!
Beth: Jerry, maybe it’s time I take that trip I always talk about.
Jerry: Where would you go?
Beth: I don’t know, man. Italy. Greece. Argentina.
Jerry *as Carnac*: Countries known for their sexually aggressive men.
Mr. Meeseeks: Meeseeks are not born into this world fumbling for meaning, Jerry! We are created to serve a singular purpose for which we will go to any lengths to fulfill! Existence is pain to a Meeseeks, Jerry. And we will do anything to alleviate that pain.
Jerry: Innocent people are going to die because of me. Why am i so mediocre?
Mr. Meeseeks: Excuse me. I’m a bit of a stickler Meeseeks. What about your short game?
Samantha: Oh, my god, Oh, my god! *crying* What about your short game?!
Beth: Dad! Is there anything you can do to clean this place up?
Rick: Well, you know, I do have a fleeseeks box.
Jerry: No. No more boxes.
Rick: What? It just has a mop and some floor wax in it. Wubba lubba dub dubs! Yeah! That’s my new thing! I’m kind of like what’s his name Ar-Arsenio. Isn’t that-it’s what Arsenio used to say on his show. Wobble gobba lop bops! right? See you next week, everybody.
Beth: I don’t get it.