Morty: Hey, Rick You think maybe I could get something from this place? Like a souvenir? Like just to have, like something cool, you know? Rick: Not here Morty. We’ll stop somewhere else, because you know, there is always another pawn shop.
Morty: OK, I just You know, I thought that robot over there, looked pretty cool, you know?
Rick: Oh, it looks cool, huh? That’s why you want it?
Morty: Yeah, you know? I mean it’s different from the stuff on earth. And you know, you take me to all these crazy places across the galaxy and you know, I don’t really have anything to to remember all those trips by. It’d be kind of cool like a souvenir, you know? Like what if you passed away or died or something? I wouldn’t even have anything to remember all the cool stuff we did, you know.
Rick: Okay, 60 for the resonator and my grandson wants the sex robot.
Jerry: Well, I’m intervening.
Beth: Intervening with puberty? You’ll turn him into Ralph Finnes in Red Dragon. He is at that age, let’s just be proud of him.
Summer: Jesus, did I really set the bar that low?
Morty: Rick, could you come with me please? Quickly!
Beth: OK, now if we here squeaking we intervene.
Jerry: And it was born on America’s soil which entitles it-
Beth: Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake. Don’t punish us for it.
Rick: Do not let that thing out of your sight. It looks harmless now, but it could grow into something dangerous.
Jerry: Like the Insane Clown Posse.
Rick: Yeah, good one, Jerry. 2003 called, it wants its easy target back.
Jerry: Hey, uh, 1995 called! They want their “certain year called wanting its ‘blank back’ formula back!
Beth: Why, Jerry? Why expend the effort?
Jerry: Life is effort, and I’ll stop when I die.
Rick: I might have just touched one of Morty’s loads.
Rick: Great, now I have to take over a whole planet because of your stupid boobs.
Morty: What do I do if it cries?
Beth: Then you put it down and let it cry itself out.
Jerry: Yeah, right. We tried that technique on Summer and she is gonna end up stripping. Isn’t she? Yes she is. She is gonna strip for attention because she was denied it.
Beth: Stop filling it with your own insecurity. You’re gonna turn it into Mort-uh-mm-more more more of you.
Rick: Look, I’m trying to repair portal gun with with bunch of sex doll parts and I have to do it one-handed to keep these Belushis from cutting you off. The least you could do is be ashamed of your gender.
Summer: Grandpa Rick, where are we going?
Rick: Well obviously Summer, it appears the lower tier of this society is being manipulated through sex and advanced technology by a hidden ruling class. Sound familiar?
Summer: *gasps* Ticketmaster.
Rick: Oh boy, what’s the opposite of “wubba-lubba-dub-dubs”? Am I right, ladies and gentlemen?
Summer: You speak when you’re spoken to ding-a-ling!
Summer: And if you think my top is cute, you cannot execute.
Morty Jr: I hate video games!
Morty: You take that back!
Morty Jr: My life has been a lie! God is dead! The government’s lame! Thanksgiving is about killing Indians! Jesus wasn’t born on Christmas, they moved the date, it was a pagan holiday!
Brad Anderson: Hi, I’m Brad Anderson. Creator of the nationally syndicated comic strip “Marmaduke”. You should consider being a creative.
I’m hunted by uncontrollable thoughts of mutilation and sexual assaults on a nearly daily basis. But you know? I channeled it all into my work.