Britta: Vacations are wasted on the young. You guys gotta get out there and see the world at some point, or you’re gonna miss your entire lives.
Annie: Where did you go Britta?
Britta: Amsterdam, I think. I’ll know more when I find my camera.
Pierce: Guess what happened to me.
Annie: Oh, Pierce, you became a Grandfather?
Pierce: No, I became even cooler! These ironic t-shirts are all the rage.
Britta: Gimme back my bra, Annie!
Annie: *scoffs* I’m not even wearing a bra!
Buddy: I’m sure you guys have a natural rapport and timing, and you know you’re scared that adding a new member might throw everything off of its natural *TITLE SEQUENCE* rhythm.
Jeff: Excuse me, I received a text message About free Sephora samples.
Dean Pelton: Ha ha! It was me, ha-ha. Sorry about the ruse, but I have something better Than exfoliating soap to rub on you.
Jeff: This is the first desk I’ve seen in six months That doesn’t have “zeppelin rules” carved into it.
Annie: You expect me to watch you do that without telling on you?
Jeff: That’s a hard-hitting question, Annie. Are you a reporter?
Annie: No, they’ve got me editing the crossword because I’m a girl. And because I love crosswords!
Jeff: Well, now you love the streets. You’re my ace news hound.
Annie: Ace? You can do that?
Jeff: We can do anything we want, it’s Greendale. Now go find me that story.
Abed: This character reboot is really gelling for you, Jeff. That was all classic Hawkeye. Sending soldiers out for liquor. Slyly sidestepping the problematic scrutiny of Annie “Hotlips” Edison. I should build you a still for making Hawkeye martinis.
Jeff: Of all your pop culture fixations, this is one I can work with, Abed.
Abed: Call me Radar?
Jeff: When you’ve earned it.
Chang: I am a man who can never die! And this has been your first taste of Spanish one-oh-dos, the semester I get inside your cabezas.
*hits play on the boom box*
I am Senor Chang and I’m so ill
This is a warning, I can’t be killed
All in your cabeza without a chaser
Not another teacher with this much flavor
And I cannot die
And I cannot die, no I cannot die
Jeff: My new job is hanging out, having fun, and cracking wise.
Britta: Oh, it must be nice. Suppose I decide that’s my job?
*everyone starts laughing uncontrollably*
Jeff: Annie’s pretty young, we try not to sexualize her.
Abed: I like his idea of ironically saying “you go, girl.”
Troy: You go, girl.
Abed: You go, girl.
*both snap fingers*
Britta: Guys, guys! Let’s take a vote.
Abed: Secret vote. Everybody cover your eyes.
Annie: We won’t know the results.
Pierce: Well say your vote out loud.
Shirley: We’ll know each others voices.
Pierce: Troy’s got a point.
Annie: Tell me, dean, when I refer to you in my article, would you prefer “imbecile” or “incompetent?”
Dean Pelton: I prefer “incompetent,” but what I really want-
Annie: It doesn’t matter what you want!. The people want the truth, I have to give it to them. And I won’t let anyone stand in my way. *The dean is standing in front of Annie* Excuse me.
Dean Pelton: Okay.
Annie: Thank you.
Annie: If this article breaks out, I can apply for journalism scholarships. Nobody will care about my time in rehab if they think I’m a writer!
Jeff: Buddy, just be reasonable and go.
Buddy: Make me, Hitler.
Jeff: Okay, so since Buddy’s not leaving, He’ll just be the person who we wish wasn’t here While we study. Try getting that deal from Hitler.
Jeff: Who are you kidding, Abed? I just dragged a screaming, crying man out of a library with his pants down. No. Martinis are for Hawkeyes. I’m the same uptight jerk I was last semester.
Abed: Jeff, what’s your favorite episode of M*A*S*H?
Jeff: The one with, uh… the army.
Abed: That’s what I thought. If you’d ever actually seen the show, you’d know that Hawkeye didn’t just bed nurses and drink martinis. He also had blood sprayed on his face, and barked orders when the choppers came in. If he didn’t, people died. He was a leader, Jeff. That’s your job.
Britta: Hi, Buddy. Can you, umm…
Annie: Excuse us…
Troy: For one…crazy stalker?
Pierce: Listen up. We outnumber this guy six to one. Annie, you flash your breasts as a decoy for the bum rush.
Pierce: Britta, don’t be upset. I didn’t pick you as a decoy ’cause your breasts are so old.
Pierce: You traitors! I’m appalled at your lack of loyalty! *Troy and Abed walk away* Yeah, you better run. *whispering* Have you decided?
Star-Burns: We saw your tape, we’re passing.
Pierce: I don’t pop on video, let me do the song in person. *singing* Getting rid of Britta, getting rid of the B. She’s a GDB, she’s a…no-good B.