A Community/Rick & Morty/Dan Harmon Fansite (Community season six doesn't suck)

Regional Holiday Music

Shirley: You Jehovah Witnesses, so severe. Andre and I will be spending Christmas giving gifts to the more persuadable of our Jewish friends.
Annie: I wouldn’t call an unannounced visit from your pastor a gift, and don’t bother this year. I’ll be at the movies with my bubbe.
Troy: You’re not taking both of them?
Annie: Well, one’s dead.
Troy: WHAT!?

Pierce: What the hell are regionals? They never stop talking about it.

Dean Pelton: And to think, they were *this* close to regionals.
Pierce: What the hell are regionals?
Dean Pelton: They’re *this* close, Pierce.

Troy: This guy’s like human fro-yo.

Mr. Rad: Your best, won’t be good enough. And ten-times your best will be so bad, I will yell at you.

Britta: Yeah, it was almost like being on ecstasy. Only instead of having pointless conversations and dancing like idiots–Wait. It was exactly like being on ecstasy.

Jeff: That’s what worries me about this guy, he is equal parts Hanson and Manson. Nobody like him corner you until he is out of recruitment mode, or the next thing you know, we’ll all be caring about Christmas pageants…and regionals.
Pierce: What the hell are regionals?

Mr. Rad: Glee! It’s a feeling you get when your brain finally lets your heart get in its pants!

What if you were a Jehovah’s Witness
That was merely pretending to be into Christmas
Gathering clues and blending in
To take down the holidays from within

You mean like a spy, investigating?
Making it seem like I’m celebrating?
When actually I’m infiltrating Santa’s operation

Going deep cover past enemy lines
Making everybody think I’m on the Christmas side
Rockin’ warm sweaters, hangin’ big ass lights
If the fat man could see me yo it’s gotta look right
I’ll watch all the TV specials that I never could
I’ll even cry during the sad ones like James Bond would
And when the big night comes, it’s time to set the bait
Cold milk, hot cookies, decorative plate!
And hear him down the chim-in-ey
And then it’ll be just him and me
But he won’t know we’re enemies
Cause I’ll play sincere
Bring a trap, like that
Hug him tight, get on his lap
And tell him he can come back every year
Cause I am Jehovah’s most secret witness
So I might have to dedicate my life to Christmas
And act just like I love it ’til the day I die

Connoisseur of Christmas
On the spectrum? None of your business
Thoughts too fast to comprehend
Just wanna do right, by my friends
If years were seasons, this December
Would be the December of our December
More blueprints than Howard Hughes
But if there are blueprints, how do we choose?
We have to be happy to get to the end
We have to save Christmas to save our friends
Troy & Abed:
We have to save Christmas to save our friends
We have to save Christmas to save our friends!

Annie: Hey guys, rapping?
Abed: Yep. Wanna join us?
Annie: Totally! Wait, you guys never let me rap with you.
Troy: Well we’re gonna need all hands on deck if we’re gonna go to regionals.
Annie: Cool…I just need to, study, though…in my room. So have fun.

Annie: And then this morning, I could hear them in the bathroom doing country western mash-ups. And they won’t stop talking about regionals.
Britta: Maybe it’s nothing.
Jeff: Yeah, if nothing wears a sweater vest and seems aggressively asexual.

Troy: Look guys, I hear your negativity but also, can I counter with this? Who hates glee? Listen to how that sounds, “glee” literally means “glee.”
Jeff: Oh, stop it. Not liking Glee Club doesn’t make us bullies. And implying that is reverse bullying.

Annie: Boopy boopy doop boop sex.

Jeff: Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness.
Annie: What’s a dimininahreneehhh?

Jeff: I just hope we can repay you by making regionals.
Pierce: I thought this was regionals, don’t let my confusion undercut their importance.

Mr. Rad: If we win regionals, then it’s straight on to sectionals. And then a week later is semis, then semi-regionals. Then regional semis, then national lower-zone semis!

Britta *singing badly*: Christmas time!
Dean Pelton: Oh, Britta’s in this?
Britta *still singing badly*: I got a Christmas time for me. I got a Christmas time for a tree.
Mr. Rad: No! She’s ruining it!
Britta *yep*: Christmas, Christmas time! Me so Christmas, me so merry
Mr. Rad: No, stop stop stop what are you doing? Get off the stage!
Britta: I’m singing my heart’s song.
Mr. Rad: Get off the stage and never sing again. You are the worst!
Jeff: Hey!
Troy: You do not get to call Britta the worst.
Audience: Yeah!
Dean Pelton: Mr. Radison, I think it’s fine. Greendale is an all-inclusive school. Why don’t we let Britta sing her awkward song?
Audience: Yeah!
Mr. Rad: No no no no no no NO! This show is supposed to be gleeful and bright and fun, and you can let me do that or there can be another bus crash! Well…figuratively…heh heh. I’m not saying “I killed the last Glee Club.” I’m saying you not listening to me is like metaphorically cutting the brake lines on your own–Look, Kings of Leon. *runs away*

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Dan Harmon Sucks © 2017

P.S. Dan doesn't suck.
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