Shirley: Did you just scripture me, Muslim?
Britta: I don’t even believe in God, but I love me some Abed.
Shirley: C’mon, Charlie Kaufman. Some of us have work in the morning!
Abed: He was like E.T., Edward Scissorhands, and Marty McFly combined.
Shirley: The Bible has been called the greatest story ever told.
Abed: Ben Lyons said the same thing about I Am Legend.
Abed: Dear God, my movie is the worst piece of crap I have ever seen in my entire life. How could I have been so blind? It’s a self-indulgent, adolescent mess. I can barely sit through it, and now with all this hype, I’ve got a real Snakes on a Plane brewing. The critics are gonna crucify me. My career will be over before it begins. God if you’re out there, I know don’t deserve it, but I need your help. Please take this project away from me, make it rain, send a meteor, anything. Please? Now? Okay I get it, this is what I deserve. I’ll finish it up.
I’ve got a real ‘Snakes on a Plane’ brewing.
Jeff: Hi, I’m Pierce Hawthorne’s emergency contact.
Woman: You’re here to pick him up?
Jeff: N-no, no. I’m here to be removed as his emergency contact.