Rick and Morty Quotes

Rick: Hey, it’s a good thing that space outlet had lab coats and your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, Morty?
Morty: Yeah, Rick, I-I heard you the first time. You don’t have to keep saying it over and over.

Rick: You wanted to be safe from the government, so you became a stupid government. That makes every Rick here less Rick than me.

Rick: Earth Rick C-137, the council of Ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom. Which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds. rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you’ve ever known becomes impossible to grasp. Also, every 10 seconds it stabs your balls.

Rick: Wherever you find people with heads up their asses, someone wants a piece of your Grandpa.

Rick: Earth Rick C-137, the council apologizes for its false accusation. And in the way of reparations *burps* for our terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with voucher for a free replacement Morty in the event that y-*burps*our current *burps* Morty should-
Rick: Uh, guys, not a good time.

Robot: What is my purpose?
Rick: You pass butter.
Robot: Oh, my god!
Rick: Yeah, welcome to the club pal.

Mr. Needful: This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. Free of charge. One never pays here, not with money.
Goldenfold: Nothing to read into there. Thanks!

Goldenfold: This aftershave made women want me but it also made me impotent!
Mr. Needful: A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. A price for everything. *laughs*
Goldenfold: *sobbing* Oh, my god! How could I not see this coming?! My lust! My greed! I deserved this!
Rick: This serum should *burps* couteract the negative effects.
Goldenfold: Holy cats! Ladies let’s get out of here. I haven’t learned a thing!

Jerry: Pluto was a planet, some committee of fancy assholes disagree. I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball.

Morty: Dad, what did you think about the recent report published by The Pluto Science Reader linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and surface shrinkage to deep-core plutonium drilling?
Jerry: Well son. What did YOU think when you were five and you pooped your pants, and you threw your poopy undies out your bedroom window because you thought it was like throwing something in the garbage?

Principal Vagina: Principal Vagina here don’t let the name fool you. I’m very much in charge. Reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but if you have the flu, stay home. The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration.You don’t bring dead babies to passover.

Rick: Shut up and listen to me! It’s fine. Everything is fine. There’s an infinite number of realities, Morty, and in a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal. I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to both die around this time. Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality and everything will be fine. We’re not skipping a beat, Morty. Now, help me with these bodies.

Jerry: Nobody’s killing me, until after I catch my wife with another man.

Brad: I throw balls far. You want good words? Date a languager.

Rapper: I love Morty and I hope Morty loves me I’d like to wrap my arms around him and feel him inside me.
Morty: Oh, crap.

Morty: I just killed my family! I don’t care what they were.
Rick: I don’t know, Morty. Some people’d pay top dollar for that kind of breakthrough.

Mr. Meeseeks: Everybody sto-o-o-p! Look at me! My brothers, nothing will be accomplished by shedding Meeseeks blood. None of us can die until our job is done.
Mr. Meeseeks: The job can’t be done! We’ll never get two strokes off his game!
Mr. Meeseeks: No, we won’t. But we will get all strokes off his game.
Mr. Meeseeks: Where’s he going with this? What’s he mean?
Mr. Meeseeks: When we kill him!