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Jeff: We are so screwed, how are we gonna memorize all this? Shirley: Let’s just go over it again. Kingdom, phylum, class. Pierce: Order, family, genus, species. I use a mnemonic device. “Kevin, please come over for gay sex.” Annie:…

Narrator: Greendale Community College is represented by two separate yet equally important types of people: The goofballs that run around stirring up trouble, and the eggheads that make a big deal out of it. These are their stories. Jeff: If…

Star-Burns: My name is Alex Osbourne, and if you’re watching this, it means I’m dead. Or I’m just showing you, but I’m probably dead. To my ex-wife Magda, I leave herpes. But she knows that, it’s dealt with. As for…

Annie: Troy, is that a casserole? Troy: It’s Bagel Bites in a deconstructed Hot Pocket reduction with a Doritos glaze. I just really wanna make my food, you know? Officer Cackowski: Oh, yes. I’m very familiar with Inspector Spacetime. You…

Pierce: I got a letter from the executor of my father’s estate. Said to come here with my seven closest friends. Abed: You brought six. Annie: Well who else was he gonna bring? Pierce: LeVar Burton was a maybe. Cornelius:…

Narrator: A new day as dawned at Greendale Community College. Some said we’d never bounce back after the unfortunate events of the Star-Burns wake riot instigated by the Greendale Seven. But today, the guilty parties have been expelled, enrollment is…

Jeff: So, cellular mitosis is what? Britta: I miss Troy. Jeff: Wrong, and stop guessing that. Britta: Give me some credit, Winger. What’s the worst that could happen? Leonard: Classic tee-up. Britta: Shut up Leonard, I know about your crooked…

Jeff: Wireless racism, the future of the past is now. Pierce: Second weddings are OK I guess. If I had to rank them it would go fourth, seventh, second, fifth, first, third, sixth. No, wait, first then fifth. Britta: When’s…

Britta: Man-children, can’t live with them, can’t leave them alone with your tape. Annie: Britta, don’t make jokes, you’re bad at it! Pierce [to Annie]: Oh no, you’re not letting some slumlord take your your hard earned money. I’ll fix…

Shirley: You Jehovah Witnesses, so severe. Andre and I will be spending Christmas giving gifts to the more persuadable of our Jewish friends. Annie: I wouldn’t call an unannounced visit from your pastor a gift, and don’t bother this year.…